Friendship and Money

It's funny how readings go in themes.  All of sudden 3 complete strangers come and talk to me about the same thing.    This week,  it's about friendship and money.  I had one of my brides (I often get brides, such a life changing moment,  they want to know that they are on the right track!) was upset that her best friends weren't prepared to invest as much in her wedding experience as she wanted.  

Destination weddings can be fun and glamorous,  but if your friend genuinely can't afford it, what do you do?

Then I had a woman in her 50's,  newly divorced,  who wanted to go and see all that was available in NYC,  go to some excellent restaurants,  go to some fabulous theatre,  see the opera - but her girlfriends were bailing out. 

And then a woman in her late 30's came to me,  worried about the cost of the baby sitter,  that just added upwards of $100 on an evening out. 

So the theme was friendship and money.  And the cost was having an honest conversation with our friends.   It can feel so awful to say,  we just can't afford to do  X,  whatever X is,  right now.  Or soften it with a 'we haven't budgeted for X this month,  perhaps next month.'  

But as with my woman in her 50's found,  her friends didn't want to spend so much money on her extravagances.  

I tell people they have to be sensitive to the financial realities of others,  and not judge them for not wanting to spend the same amount as you do on events you are creating.  So have the destination wedding,  but be aware that some people,  even close friends and family, just won't be able to come. And accept that with grace.  

And if you are finally free to go to all the expensive places you've wanted to see, perhaps invite your friends and say,  I'll pay for dinner, you do the tickets (or vica versa)  Or perhaps have an event night out less frequently and intersperse them with quiet nights in or simple diner dinners, so your friends can opt in or out in ways that work for them.

And finally,  sitters, reliable ones that play with your kids and make it so you can relax and be in the moment, well,  they do cost.  That conundrum beat a lot of parents that I saw in Tribeca when my kiddo was young.  We traded sleep overs a lot,  taking friends kids and then having them take ours,  so not only did we get a night out but a sleep in!  But I did that mainly with my friends who also had one child. Doing that with 2 or 3 kids,  that's much harder! 

What I do ask is for sensitivity.  Events can be important to you but out of the budget for others, even if it's only one night out, as I said to the plaintive bride,  they may not have $300 for that occasion as well as everything else. 

And if you are the one being asked to things you cannot afford,  find a way to say no that works for you.  There's nothing shameful about saying that's not in my budget right now,  and then just stopping.  No more excuses needed. 

How 'new' is the new boyfriend

A woman came in for her third reading with me.  I first meet her 5 years ago and she was dating someone, let's call him Ian.  The cards never liked him.  She didn't like him all that much either,  but there are reasons people stay in relationships,  and it while was not great,  it was comfortable enough.

Finally,  on the third reading she came to tell me that they had broken up, he had moved out and she had meet someone new!  Let's call him Sam.

So he's richer, more accomplished, more together. Do the cards like him?

She drew Queen Pentacles Reversed / 7 swords / Devil.

Oh dear. 

When you draw the Devil card around your new relationship it often means that while the man is new,  the pattern is old - you are repeating old bad addictive patterns.

She turns herself upside down for her relationships,  her very fine Queen is reversed,  and the 7 of swords - the card of betrayal,  either he betrays her or she betrays herself and it all ends up with the Devil,  the same old song.  This is just Ian mark 2.

So we had a long discussion of what draws her to men,  what she finds attractive,  what pattern is repeating.  She sighed. She wasn't happy but she did agree with everything I and the cards said.  It was time to break the pattern,  let the attractive Devil go and look for someone she can just be herself with.

I hope she lets herself do that! 

Kindle

I've been an avid reader all my life.  I was a late adopter to ebooks,  because I like physical books so much.  But a lot of the weird genre books I read (sci fi, fantasy,  post apocalyptic) ,  don't always come out in paperbacks,  and the ebooks were so much cheaper,  in 2014 or so I leapt in and bought a Kindle.

I have not looked back.  They are great for travelling - literally half my carryon used to be books,  and now it all fits into one slim volume.  I assuage any anxiety by always having a book on me,  and with Kindle,  I have 30 plus books on me!  So much more relaxing! 

I like them for reading,  but I love them for rereading.  I've got highlights and notes and thoughts and it becomes like a diary.  I can see what impressed me then,  what impresses me now, it definitely improves the reread experience for me.

And then,  I decided to reread a book I had in paperback,  and the font was just too small for me to comfortably read.  I actually rebought it in the kindle format (that's how much I love Lois McMaster Bujold!)

And I just reread Dune - having seen both movies last week - they are so beautiful and so well cast!  Highly recommend both films! - in paperback and it's hard to read in bed with no back light, and I missed make highlights.  So I guess I am a kindle convert now. 

Telling your truth

One thing I always recommend to people is to speak their truth.   You don't have to tell the whole truth to people,  but don't lie.  

If I am feeling depressed and anxious and sad,  and the checkout person at the supermarket asks "how are you?"  I say "tired."  Not the whole truth,  but a truth.  And often I would get a slip of the mask and a human looks back at me and they answer "God, me too!"  And even that bit of congruence makes me feel more real,  more connected.

So it's not that I have to tell all my secrets to the universe,  or be rude or even say things that make me feel over exposed.  It's just that I have to be congruent.  And that really does help. 

When I first came to NYC,  way back in 2002,  I had a really rough first year,  which is not uncommon for people coming to such a busy, humming place.   I felt lost and isolated.  In the middle of the worst of it,  I just began saying things that were true - even at parties.  How are you?  I'm feeling lost and overwhelmed, I would reply.  I can't tell you how many people said,  oh,  the first year is the worst,  and shared their experiences.  And it got better.  Me being real,  allowed others to be real and that helped ground me. 

So speak a truth,  doesn't have to be all of it,  but what ever you say has to be real,  even if it's "I don't have the bandwidth for that right now." which I have found myself saying from time to time. 

Being congruent helps.  

Sydney 2024 Gay Mardi Gras

Sydney had it's 46th Gay Mardi Gras this weekend,  and it went with a tarot theme.   How wonderful!

Love this version of The Star,  

And they had a great twist on the hanged man - 

whom they named,  the hanged person. I really liked their take on it - To receive The Acrobat in a reading is to know that you are in need of being flexible and open to change, you may indeed need to become an Acrobat.

Mama Medusa is a well-known Australian burlesque and cabaret performer, and is the creator of popular night-club event, Buxxxom Soiree, a night of sensual performances to celebrate all bodies.

Buxxxom was created in an effort to spread recognition of plus size performers that she says “are often not taken seriously” and bend pre-conceived rules of societies expectations and limitations. Mama also possesses the talent to suspend herself from silk rope whilst retaining her flawless expressions, a talent of which we knew we had to utilise in our campaign as we reimagined the hanged person, into The Acrobat.

A very fine way to look at the hanged person.

And their image of the High Priestess also just worked!

The Wisdom card is a sign of intuition, sacred knowledge and divine femininity, depicting a strong figure sitting between pillars marked B&J, for Boaz & Jachin, the two pillars that stood on the porch of Solomon’s Temple in Jerusalem, with the black and white colour of the pillars symbolising the duality between masculine and feminine.

There's more on their site and what a lovely inclusive way they showed in their tarot.

Should she stay or should she go?

A while ago I had a reading with a woman who was in an okay enough job,  but close to friends and family.  She went looking for more engaging work and found it!  She got the job offer of her dreams - but it would involve a huge move. What to do?

One thing I often say to people is that if you flip a coin to decide, it's not the coin that makes the decision,  but rather seeing how you feel as the coin lands. Are you relieved or disappointed?  While the coin was in the air,  did a secret desire/hope show itself?

My client was lucky,  in that the cards were crystal clear - sometimes they are not! She drew the Fool/ Empress/ World.  Can't get better than that.  They loved the new job,  saw only good things ahead.  I said it was a risk but her energy clearly was on the move. She just didn't want to disappoint those she was leaving.   

She agreed. She really wanted the job,  but also the safe way to move on.  She was in her early 30's,  hadn't found her special someone,  was getting bogged down in her day to day life. The move, away from New York City,  felt like a necessary challenge. Even her love cards got better.   We laughed at that,  and she took the job.

Liaden Universe

It's strange how people can impact upon you.  I heard today that Steve Miller died.  He was co-author to a series of science fiction books set in a place they created - the Liaden Universe.  They were prolific writers with many books,  novellas and articles.  In their own words - The Liaden Universe® is not tidy. Nor is it a series, exactly. It's a Universe. …

I feel like I lost a friend.  We've never communicated but a new book coming out was a highlight for me.   I wrote to his wife and writing partner, Sharon Lee,  these words -  I’m sure you know that you and Steve have impacted the world far more than most, and far better than most!   Their writing was a gift to me and so many others.  He will be missed.