Psychic Moments

I believe everyone is psychic, like everyone can sing. Some are natural singers,  some are trained,  some are wild rare talents,  and some are tone deaf.  So it is with psychic abilities - some are natural, you can train yourself to be better (as I definitely have) and everyone has wild moments of knowledge. 

I met a group of ladies in the dog park,  chatting about not much.  I turn to a woman I don't know very well at all,  and casually ask her if she knows about a local apartment that just sold.  I didn't ask anyone else,  I don't know why I asked her. Turns out, she's the purchaser.  (I actually thought she was joking the first time she said it)

She asked if someone had spoken about it,  but I could say in all honesty that no one had mentioned it to me,  and that I hadn't discussed it with anyone else.  And I laughed to myself.  One of those weird wild quirks. 

Teapots

Last year I did a blog about a woman and expensive handbags.  I had fun trolling the internet for handbags to show as examples.  Then recently I wrote about things I'm not buying today,  and how I create Pinterest files about things I love,  and yet am not buying just yet.  

This reminded me of my love of teapots.  I love tea,  drink it all day every day.  I can do a coffee once a week,  but I have tea three times a day.  So I made the fatal error of looking at my teapots Pinterest folder,  and now I am longing to own more teapots.  I have seven.  I mean,  how many teapots can you justify owning? Especially as I drink from tea bags.  (Marks and Spenser Blue box, Bright and Malty - just perfect!) 

So in order to curb my lust,  putting them in the Pinterest folder is not not enough,  I'm now copying them to a blog piece here. 

My current favorite tea pots,  which I am not buying.  Or at least not all of them! 

Ruby Payne Chart

So I'm wandering around the internet and I see this cute chart and it's talking about socioeconomic guidelines and it says that poor people care about quantity of food,  middle class people care about quality of food,  and the rich care about presentation. 

I take that away and mull over it for a while and decide that I agree with that,  and wonder what else was in that chart.  And do you think I can find it?  I search every which way for an hour,  give up,  try the next day.  I never found that cutesy chart again.  But I did find this:

And it's the same information,  but more formally presented  (the chart I saw was definitely more cutesy,  visually friendly, more my speed frankly.) 

Turns out that Dr Ruby Payne has been writing about class, poverty and education for some time, and has all sorts of interesting and deeply considered opinions.  I fell into a rabbit hole of information about her! 

Each day I've been reading a line from this chart and thinking about whether I agree with it,  if it feels true to me,  what resonates.   It's part of my new year's resolution to keep broadening my interests. 

Find the good stuff

"When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life, for there is in London all that life can afford." So said Samuel Johnson, man of many literary accomplishments, including writing the very first dictionary.

Sometimes I feel like that about the internet - there are so many jewels,  so much wit,  so many clever thoughts!  And also, so much nonsense,  so much actual awfulness,  so much stupidity.  So while it's hard to be bored,  it can also feel hard to be engaged.  

I'm reading so much enraged triggering stuff - it's like people want to be enraged and triggered.  And then I read fabulous pieces - by Lane Anderson at the Matriarchy Report,  and or at  the Great Perhaps by Kim Foster  and I feel so happy and engaged and provoked out of my comfort zone but in a thoughtful and enriching way.   

So I guess like London,  the internet is full of jewels and wonders,  and full of sewerage and idiots,  and it's up to us to find the good stuff... 

Get It in Writing

So a client was talking to me about her work dynamics and she said something so clever I have to repeat it here.

Every time she has an important conversation with management,  or a client,  she writes a thank you email.  Something like - thanks so much for taking the time to talk to me about X today,  your insights were really helpful.  I've clarified that I need to do Y and Z.  I'll start doing that today.  

Or simple words to that effect - which get a written, time stamped confirmation of the talk,  and in effect,  'get it in writing'.  Most times she just gets a 'glad I could help', sometimes she gets further clarification. It's never back fired on her,  but it's a graceful way to get the conversation confirmed in writing.

They're always telling us to get everything in writing.  Here's a simple and elegant way to do so! Also - send that email to your home email as well, so you have access to it even after you leave work... 

Gift of Aging

Most of my clients are under 40.  I'm definitely older.  But there are benefits of aging,  and sometimes I say to them things I wish were said to me,  when I was their age.

In my youth I was so aware of what other people thought or did, and if I fit in and how I fit in, and if they would think I was weird and what it all meant.  So easy to overthink,  and quite exhausting! 

Now,  far less pretty but much more assured,  I'm just me.  I don't care what others think,  and if someone has something to say about my behaviour,  I listen but don't take it on board if I don't agree.  And I can take things on board if I do agree.  It's a gift to know that you don't have to know everything;  that you can give yourself permission to grow and learn and that you know,  deep in your bones,  that you are not perfect and that it's okay. 

Maternal Ambivalence

I went to a talk recently by Dr Margo Lowy,  about her book,  Maternal Ambivalence,  the loving moments and bitter truths of motherhood.  She discussed how mothers are portrayed as endlessly giving and loving,  and any disappointment or rage or ambivalence that she may feel is immediately discounted or judged severely.  

And it got me thinking about ambivalence in general.  We want to be entirely positive or entirely negative about things.  Seeing shades of grey are not often permitted in our culture.  Something is unequivocally good,  or unremittingly bad.  But of course,  life isn't like that at all.  And the closer we are to someone,  the more we depend on them,  the more expectations we have,  the greater the capacity for disappointment and rage.  And if you are raging against a baby,  it's easier to talk yourself down - the vast majority of women are being the best parent they can be,  and though the level of best varies hugely,  very few women are actually careless and evil with their babies (some are,  of course,  but the vast majority are definitely not!)

But with adult relationships,  it's easier to rage,  and harder to talk yourself down.  I'm reading and seeing so much dysfunction in committed relationships lately,  and it's becoming so easy to walk away,  and it worries me.  Any long term married person will tell you there were ebbs and flows in the marriage,  good times,  even great times,  and bad times,  even awful times.  And they worked through it and now the marriage is much more good than bad.  But fewer are working through it, and maybe they shouldn't be worked through, maybe marriages should be allowed to fray.  

But I feel like we are losing something precious,  when we don't let ourselves feel ambivalence, or don't let ourselves know that all relationships,  including parent child relationships,  will have good times and bad,  and that if we work through the difficult,  boring,  enraging times,  we can come to something very good indeed.